Our Christmas Miracle

Well, it has been way too long since I have updated my blog. Christmas is upon us, and we have been busy decorating, baking, wrapping, and most importantly, being together. Since I last posted, Olivia has changed so much. She is two weeks shy of four months, and she weighed in yesterday at 11 lbs 11 oz. She is exactly 5 pounds bigger than she was when she entered this world. After my post at her two month, we were not in the clear like I thought we were. We had some very tiring days and frustrating times when we didn't know how to help her. But, now, she is imitating our funny faces, rolling over a few times front to back, and having fun just watching her crazy brothers. In the last week, she has really focused on them, and follows them throughout the room wherever they are. They laugh at her, and she laughs right back at them. She is grabbing at toys and loving her hands. She could stare at them all day, as long as they are not in her mouth. We think she may end up being a thumb sucker. She is sleeping every night swaddled with her miracle blanket in the bassinet (although she is not going to be in it much longer). She sleeps from about 9:30 pm to 5 or 6 am. No complaints there. She is a great sleeper. Olivia still takes Prislosec and is on a special rice formula, thickened, which seems to help it stay down more than it comes up. For the most part, she is Happy.

We enjoyed a great Thanksgiving with our Michigan cousins, and since then, we have been decking the halls and preparing for the season in our new home. Since we lived in a 1400 sq ft apartment in Japan, I decided I was going all out this year. I have four Christmas trees throughout the house. The favorite one is the Woodlands tree in my dining room. We are in the Pacific Northwest, so it seemed appropriate.

Last year at this time, we had no idea that Olivia would be our "Christmas Miracle" this year. It wasn't until New Years Eve that we found out I was pregnant. After going through a miscarriage the year before right after the holidays, I was scared and anxious throughout the beginning. Every time we went to the dr. I closed my eyes and prayed that there would be a beating heart. Finally, at 8 weeks, we heard it. So, we breathed a huge sigh. The next huge miracle came in April, when we stood in the dark room with the ultrasound tec and waited to hear that the baby's heart, lungs, brain, legs, toes, hands, fingers(you get the idea) were all normal looking and healthy. Now that we truly believed the baby was healthy, we waited for the next piece of news..."I do believe it is a GIRL.." were the words we both heard, as Brian squeezed my hands a little tighter. I will never forget that day! The sadness and pain from a year before was completely replaced by a feeling that I can't quite explain. Our family was going to get bigger, but this time, it would be a little girl. Olivia is truly a gift, and we are blessed! The boys have so much they want to teach her, and I am sure, there are things that I would rather they not, but then again, they are her big brothers, and she is going to do what they do. I tell them all the time that they have an important job in being good role models. I have to remind them that being a good role model does not include armpit farting, burp contests, and sword fighting. I am scared to think what MY little girl will do when she is older.

As for Brian, can I just add that I have never seen him so taken by anyone EVER! I seriously have to take a ticket to hold her when he is home. I have heard him say that he could stare at her for hours if he could. It has been a long time since we have had a baby in the house, and you do forget what a Miracle they are. He will not let her go out with out combing her hair. He actually takes an interest in her clothes, and has a say in what he thinks she should wear. And we all know that the world of clothes with little girls is sooooo different than little boys.

We hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas! With a nine, six and 3 1/2 month old in our house, ours will be joyous and full of excitement! Patrick has been doubting the big man in the red suit lately, and I am just not ready to give in. I remember my first Christmas when I made the discovery, and it just wasn't the same. There is a spirit of Christmas that is truly magical, and I think all of us, even adults, want to "Believe" in that. Peace and happiness to you all!!

So worth the wait!

Well, people told me it would happen....it finally did happen. Olivia is now a much happier baby, and her happy times far outweigh her unhappy times. I think it got way worse before it got better though.

Brian had a leadership school to attend in Newport, RI for two weeks at the end of October/beginning of November. I was not looking forward to him being gone that long because it was very hard to listen to Olivia cry all day with no one to give me relief. I can tell you that I was in survival mode the first week he was gone. That week, I took Olivia to the doctor because I figured something had to be wrong- there had to be a diagnosis for this crying. I was tired! I was losing my patience as a mom, and I needed someone to tell me that there was a specific reason. She was sick, or uncomfortable, or SOMETHING! Well, she screamed at the appointment so loud that the Doctor could barely talk with me. She checked her out, and told me she looked perfect. I was thankful for this of course. No one wants to go to the doctor and find out there is a health problem with their baby. The doctor then looked at me and said, "It is obvious that she is in the 5 % of babies with extreme colic." This is colic where nothing works to soothe them. Her acid reflux medicine was not really working. She still screamed all of the time. So, knowing I was alone at home since Brian was gone, her doctor prescribed Olivia a sedative/bowel relaxer. I know- HORRIBLE mom! What mom gives their baby a sedative to make them sleep. Well, until you have walked in someone's shoes who has had a baby like Olivia, Please don't pass judgement!! :) She assured me it was safe if I chose to use it in a critical time. I came home that night and things got BAD. I was skyping Brian and he saw how bad. At that point, he called in the Nana patrol, and thankfully Nana was on a plane basically the next day to help with poor Olivia. I did end up giving Olivia half of the dose of the sedative to relax her and make her more comfortable. She slept for me, and we got by until Nana arrived. She hasn't had it since- actually we threw it out shortly after Brian returned. My mom stayed a week until Brian returned, and it was exactly what we needed. It took both of us to care for her, but by the end of the week, she turned two months, and we actually took a car ride where she didn't cry. She was starting to have happy moments. She was starting to cry less.

I have never in my life been tested as I have been over the past two months- Olivia's first two months. She is a GIFT, and we know that she will do great things because she got all of her unhappiness out in her first two months of life. I can't tell you how exhausting and difficult it is to have a baby who cries all of the time. People don't know how to react out in public. They stared. They asked if she was hungry. They wondered if she was sick. I will never again look at a mother with a crying baby and ask any of these. Just kindly smile, and say, "This will pass! She's beautiful even when she cries though!" I remember a Safeway checkout lady told me her son was the same way, but it passed, and he became her happiest child and nicest, kindest man in his adulthood.

Now, we see the happiness, the laugher, giggles, and smiles. She is a JOY, even when she does cry. Her colic is not gone completely. She has her moments, but she is not even three months yet, so she is still just getting it out of her system. She handles it better, and we can comfort her and know what she needs now. She still has to be swaddled at night for bed- thank goodness for the Miracle Blanket. She also has to have her white noise. The hairdryer has become her favorite thing! Olivia still has her acid reflux, but her medicine seems to be doing the trick because she doesn't cry when she spits up anymore. We'll take the several outfit changes and lots of spit up for a happy baby. Goodness gracious...we all know Olivia certainly is not hurting for clothes. She gets to wear 3 outfits a day, so it's fun for me :)

Thank you for all of your thoughts and well wishes during this difficult time. It was always nice to take a break, get onto the computer, and read facebook or e-mails telling me it woud get better or that we were being thought of. It was worth the wait..because her smile is just PRECIOUS! The boys love her soooo much, and they are having a blast with her now that she responds to them. We look forward to sharing more of her milestones with you, but just wanted to share some pictures and let you all know that LIFE IS LOOKING UP!

It Wont Be Like This For Long

So it is a good night in our house when it is 6:00 and Brian is home, dinner is finished, and homework is done. Bonus today- I even got the boys' sheets washed and put back on the beds. Wow! I feel accomplished! I heard this song playing on the radio today, and I had to rush home and find it and post it to my blog. IT WON"T BE LIKE THIS FOR LONG! This is so true, and means so many different things right now.

To say that times are very trying right now...well, that may be an understatement. Olivia has been diagnosed with Acid Reflux and it is pretty much making her miserable 24 hours a day. We have thought all along that she is colicky, but after doing countless hours of reading late at night, I have come to realize that she does indeed have Acid Reflux and has most of the symptoms that are pretty much making her cry all of the time. As of now, the doctor has switched her from Zantac to Prilosec, and we are waiting to see if this one works. That Zantac didn't work at all. Eating and sleeping are horrible for her because after she eats, it just burns in her little tummy. Then sleeping is bad because lying down makes it worse. We have found one little bouncy seat that she is sleeping in when she finally does decide to sleep for an hour or two. I think she hates the carseat because it pushes on a certain part of her tummy that causes it to hurt. Arching her back gives her relief, and she can't do that in the carseat.

I am exhausted each day, and by the time Brian gets home at night, he takes over and does the same thing I have done all day- hold a very upset, miserable, little baby. Next week will be tougher because Brian will be gone again. It is awful because we can't seem to comfort her. I was actually asked to take my baby ouside a store the other day by another customer. She said, "maybe you should go outside.." If I had had any energy, I would have turned her in to someone, but at that point, comforting my poor baby was more important.

In between all of this crying, we have managed to catch some smiles and the start of some cooing. The boys take advantage of every second that Olivia is happy. If she isn't crying for a few minutes, one of them will say, "Look- she's happy!!" I can only imagine what it will be like when she is 4 or 5 months old and playing with them- they will be so thrilled.

So, this brings me to my post title. IT WON"T BE LIKE THIS FOR LONG. Every day, I think about the 3 or 4 month point when most babies outgrow their reflux and colic. I find myself wishing away these most precious days and wanting the first three months to be over. I find that I don't have time for pictures and Olivia hates to have her clothes changed because she has to be lying down and that hurts her. So, I don't take the pictures like I did with the boys. I keep reminding myself that it won't be like this for long...before we know it, Olivia will be going off to preschool. I can't wish away this time.

Yes, it is difficult right now and tiring, and frustrating...but, we have Olivia. She is healthy (except for a little underdeveloped digestive system that needs time to mature) and strong, and we can hear her cry. I read too many blogs where babies are sick or never even survived, so it is so important, even amidst the crying, to remember that it won't be like this for long. She will outgrow this phase and be a happy baby soon enough.

One Month Old!

On September 3rd, Brian and I woke up at 4:30 in the morning and left for Harrison Hospital at about 5:20 am. As soon as we arrived, they began the prepping for getting me ready to deliver via c-section. After having been through two c-sections, I felt somewhat calm, yet still very anxious. After having gone through nine months of pregnancy and talking about our baby girl, there is a sense of anxiety that I felt, wondering if she would be healthy and free of complications. At about 7:30 am, Brian and I walked into the cold and bright operating room, where they proceeded to give me a spinal. It took forever for the meds to work on me. The dr. kept poking me with needles and I could still feel them. Finally after about 15 minutes, it worked. I was drugged and the surgery could begin. I can remember them saying they were starting, and then within minutes, baby Olivia Grace Nowak was born at 8:12 am. Dr. Bohanen said, "Wow, she is your tiniest baby yet!" And she was!! Little Olivia weighed 6 lbs 11 oz and was only 17 inches long. The boys were both in the 8 pound range, so she looked so petite, so tiny, but so perfect!!!!

Today, Olivia is exactly one month old. It has been a tiring month, but Olivia has brought so much happiness to our family. The boys can't get enough of her, and they have been so good with her, even when she cries (or should I say screams). It is funny watching Brian with a little girl. We went to the store the other day, but before we could leave, he took her upstairs. When they came back down, I asked him what he was doing. He replied, "Combing her hair... I can't take her out without her hair combed." I just had to laugh- he wouldn't have done that with the boys.

Unfortunately, Olivia is colicky and does spend a lot of her days and nights crying. We know that one day, she will wake up and smile as if to say, "I am ready to face the world!" For now, she is still trying to figure out why she had to be taken from the warm and comfortable tummy and be brought into this cold and scary place. Her favorite place to be is sleeping on our chests.

At one month old she:
is still in newborn clothes
weighs 8 lbs
smiles in her sleep all of the time
hates the carseat
finally loves her bath
doesn't cry anymore when she gets a diaper change
loves to lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling fan
only goes about 1 1/2 to 2 hours between feedings
gets about 1000 kisses a day from from her brothers (mostly from Matthew)
is the Apple of her daddy's eye!! I have to fight to hold her when he is around!! :)
Has completed our family and makes us so happy every day!!

Pause the music on the playlist on the right hand side before viewing the video

Anticipation

Before I begin, I just want to say to my friend Dana (who recently became a mom of twin boys) that I have stolen this song off of your blog. I love it, and I think it does sum up how I feel right now about my family as we get ready to welcome our newest blessing.

We are less than three weeks now from becoming a family of five. I can hardly stand it any more. The anticipation of meeting our little girl and having Brian home is so exciting for me and the boys. "The Boys". For the past nearly six years, they have been "the boys" and I don't think that will change. They are not "my kids". They are always, "My boys." To me, a mother receives a special gift when you give birth to a boy. I can't do their hair or dress them in cute little dresses, but my boys have taught me more in their lifetime than I ever thought possible. Watching their bond as brothers throughout the years has been the most rewarding part of having them. They truly are best friends. Is it something we did as parents? Is it their personalities? I don't know what makes them click, but one would be lost without the other. Sure, they fight. Feelings do get hurt. They even have differing opinions over many things. But....they are brothers who look out for one another, feel each other's hurts and worries, and share a bond that I hope continues throughout their lifetime.

That brings me to the next part of this post....A Little Girl. I can tell you that I have never envisioned our lives without a little girl. I remember a facebook post I did back in the fall. It was a list of 20 interesting things about me. One of the things I wrote was..."I long for a little girl to join our family". Well, we are so close now, and she will make our family complete. I don't know why I have always wanted a girl, but I have. I just can't imagine not having one. She is already a lucky little girl to have two older brothers to protect and look out for her. She will most certainly have them wrapped quite quickly I'm sure. I can remember shopping for prom dresses and my wedding dress with my mom. I still talk to my mom almost every day. I know the bond between a mother and daughter is different than what I have with my boys, but I am just so happy to be able to have both. And...the bond is already there. I think it was there from the moment the radiology tech told me us was a girl.

I have watched Brian with both boys, from birth until now, and he is an incredible father to them. Although his job takes him away a lot, Patrick and Matthew never doubt his love for them. They never think they are being cheated. I think it is because he does such a good job with them when he is here. The anticipation is building to see him with a little girl now. I don't think he really realizes what he is in for. After all, he has boys, and that is all he has known.

So...I am ready. The C-section is scheduled for September 3rd in the morning. Brian is due to arrive home the night of the 2nd pretty late. We're just lucky that his instructors in Hawaii have allowed him to come home early. Please keep us all in your thoughts and prayers... that we all will be safely together on the 3rd, and the surgery goes smoothly with the arrival of a healthy baby girl.

Our New Home!

Well, since we are settled and really getting use to our new home, I figured it was time to post some pictures. We love it, and it fits us perfectly! The boys are having fun with all of the space after living in a tiny apartment on the 5th floor in Japan. We have plenty of room for visitors, so anyone wanting to see this beautiful area (and of course see us!) is more than welcome to come stay with us.

When we moved in, we didn't have to paint anything. Everything was as is, and as you can see, our furniture and decor is perfect for this house. This is the first of many moves with the Navy that this has happened.

"Home is where the Navy sends you..."

It's late, so this won't be long. We are in our new home in Washinton in the town of Silverdale. After three shipments of household goods- one main, one storage, and an express shipment, we are settled! We finally have it all. Well, maybe not everything- not until our dog Jazzy comes HOME to us in August. We've been without her for almost three years. For a dog, that is a long time, so during our time overseas, she has undoubtedly aged, but we are looking so forward to having her as part of our family again.

We are trying to find our new normal and routine here, as we look to new experiences and new friends and make the best of our summer here, without Daddy and away from great friends we left in Japan. Every move brings uncertainty, and both boys have experienced that this time.

This is home for now, and I can't think of a more beautiful place to be. I know the rain will come, but for now, we are enjoying the most beautiful blue skies, while listening to our waterfall in the backyard as the deer come to nibble on the plants.

I will post pics of the house soon. Good night from the Pacific Northwest.